Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
