Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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