Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
