So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
