woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
There's always time for handjobs
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
