Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
