yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
