there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
