Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
im drinking this country out of the recession.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
