How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
