this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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