So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
