ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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