I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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