I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
