I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
