Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
