You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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