i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your penis caused this!
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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