With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Randomize
