Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
