shes about as inviting as chlamydia
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
