My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
