i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
