My friends, they love my intelligence
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I think people are normalizing furries
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
