Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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