dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
