Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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