Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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