i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
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