So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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