4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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