it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
