hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
