Pants 0. Shit 1.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
