If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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