I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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