We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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