Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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