I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
