cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
