Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
