I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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