And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
