Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
