I just threw up on my dentist
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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