I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
