okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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