she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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