Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
