I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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