I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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